| Life now |
[Mar. 10th, 2009|10:54 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  happy | ] |
So here I am...in college. And I don't know what to think anymore. Like always.
But I do know that I am moving on with my life. I have cut out things that I don't need anymore, and holding on to the things I need to keep a hold of.
I decided I'm not going back to college next semester. Instead I'm going back to Fairview to work and make alot of money so I can pay off my car and all my other shit.
Then I'm going traveling again :]
I can't wait.
It's the only thing in my life that makes me truly happy and makes me feel free.
I'm still sorting out my life.
But so far, everything has been pretty amazing.
I just really can't stand immature college people anymore..and school has never been my thing.
So why would I continue?
And I mean sure, there are alot of awesome guys here...but that's not worth staying for.
I'll find a guy someday, until then I'm not going to worry about that.
I like where I am right now in life
I'm happy who I've been become :]
Rach, it's your turn. Become someone you love. Fight for what you want. Go somewhere with our life. Don't settle for second best. You deserve someone who truly loves you...not someone who lies about stupid shit. Did you really see yourself with someone like that in high school? or middle school? really? Sure he's fun sometimes....but what about all the other times? Don't you want someone you can have fun with whenever you want? That's like being happy half of the year, and the other half you feel like shit...Why would you do that to yourself?
You need to realize he's not good for you. When will you realize that?
Sure you want to protect him, you think he will change. But he won't.
You truly deserve someone who loves you and appreciates you and gives you butterflies in your stomach whenever you see him or talk to him. That's not the love you have. Is it?
You deserve better. much better.
Please think about what you're doing. And realize that he won't change, no matter how much you want to believe what he says. If he really threatens to kill himself...that just proves that he is an immature asshole who will never grow up and change.
Please come to terms with things. Are you really happy with how you are right now? Don't you want to move on with your life and be happy again? What happened to the independent Rachel I used to know?
Do you really think he is the best you can do?
Please wake up and smell the roses. Because you can do much better.
Love you sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo(count the o's) much Rach :]
Think about things. Seriously. Cause your life needs to change. And I don't see it going anywhere with him.
<3 |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 21st, 2007|08:16 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  relieved | ] |
I don't know what I was saying when I said that a guy would make me happy.
It's like I was depending on them.
That's not who I wanna be at all. I wanna be independent.
I don't need a fucking guy to make me happy, I can be happy on my own.
I want to go travel the world...and I think I can hold on to a guy? lol yeah right.
I honestly don't know what I was thinking.
I am alot happier now that I realized what I was doing.
I want a serious boyfriend, but defiantly not now. I am not ready for one.
If I got one now, I wouldn't be able to keep him cause no long distance relationship lasts.
So I'm gunna wait. I don't care how long it takes. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 5th, 2007|11:11 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  hopeful | ] |
Love
Is it a real feeling
Or is it just another mind game
A disposition to bring you down
To let someone in and torture you
Until you can't go on
Love
Is it something you should cherish
To never let go of
A precious thing that should be taken care of
Is it the existence to life?
or the destruction of ones being? |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 3rd, 2007|10:27 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | hopeful | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | senses fail | ] |
All you want is someone to love. For them to love you back.
So many times we just give it away to someone who we just met.
Whoever gives you attention, it's gone. Cause you feel important.
But you've got to be strong. So save yourself.
Save yourself for someone who will love you for you.
Your self esteem is low. But just hold on. You'll find someone.
Someone who loves you for you and me for me. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 21st, 2007|11:57 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  confused | ] |
I have money to do the traveling and helping with animals.
But what will happen when that money runs out?
What will I do?
Will I really be able to help the animals?
Will I ever go to college?
What will happen in the future? |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 11th, 2007|10:10 pm] |
I don't know what to do...
He's like jealous of him
He told me how he felt and now he's all paraniod...
AHHH I love....him....
but not...him |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 9th, 2007|12:25 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  worried | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Tripleshot- Break Out | ] |
Am I just wasting my time and heart?
I love him so much.
I always will.
I'm kinda just like stuck in between people and I don't like it. But I guess that's how life is right?
I can't wait to go to Thailand. But I still need to fill out the application. If I don't make it I'm going to like...cry or somethin lol
but I just wanna get out of here, so anywhere I go is perfectly amazing. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 29th, 2007|10:29 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  crappy | ] |
You gotta take the good with the bad, smile with the sad, love what you got, remember what you had, always forgive, never forget, learn from mistakes, never regret, people change, things go wrong but just remember, Life goes on.
" Sometimes it seems like you are the only one in the world who's struggling, who's frustrated, unsatisfied, barely getting by. But that feeling's a lie. And if you just hold on, just find the courage to face it all for another day, someone or something will find you and make it all okay. Because we all need a little help sometimes- someone to help us hear the music in their world, to remind us that it won't always be this way. That someone is out there. And that someone will find you. "
The art of losing isn't hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster.
Where are you?
I'm needing you much more,
I bet you never knew.
Now everything is gonna fall apart,
I need you here,
not just in my heart.
This wasn't how it's supposed to be.
And now I'm torn with misery.
I won't forget you please don't me.
This wasn't how it's supposed to be. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 10th, 2006|11:04 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  numb | ] |
Love can fade
can break away
can be forgotten
but not replaced
You might lose hope
you might lose faith
but don't throw it all away
cause your afraid
.afraid.
.of.
.love.. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 8th, 2006|10:09 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | aggravated | ] |
This is basically for me, I just want to let out everything I'm feeling and shit...so yeah...
I don't need a guy to make me happy, though one would be nice, I can live without one...for the time being anyway.
so now I need to concentrate on animals, like reading books about animal rights and vegetarian stuff. If I want to work with animals, I need to learn about them first, and I don't want things on my mind...like guys while I'm doing it. But if a guy does come along...so be it.
So it's basically still the beginning of the year and I am already getting frustrated and aggravated with school shit. Some of the things we learn...how the fuck are we going to use that in the world? school is seriously a big joke.
I mean like yeah we should all learn some math, english and a little bout the world, but we don't have to spend like 15 years of your life learning it. It is a waste of time.
The school says they want to prepare us for the world but they really aren't. What are they doing that will help us? They want us to be independent, but most kids will always depend on their parents for everything. If they are rich enough and have connections, life will be easy for them.
This shit is just started to get annoying.
The school is fucked up, they want us to do good and yet if we do something wrong we will get kicked out. No second chances.
And along with school, people are annoying me. some people more in particular. and I feel...bad...about something but I can't tell anyone because then it would mess everything up. I want her to be happy, and so I can't tell her about it. But I really want...yeah I can't say anymore. Maybe I'll just keep it inside and not tell anyone and then it will go away like everything else I keep to myself...I'm hoping anyway.
I really can't wait till I graduate. I really need to get out of this place, or I seriously will break down.
But I am really just so glad my parents aren't forcing me to go to college. It really isn't for me. maybe sometime in the future i'll go, but not anytime soon...
I feel a little better, now that I have let out everything I am feeling. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 11th, 2006|08:58 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  pissed off | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Hed PE- Raise hell | ] |
why does my senior year have to suck? |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 22nd, 2006|10:17 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | chipper | ] |
NYC has many pigeeeeooeeoeoeoenoennnnnss....they are cute...I want one |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 21st, 2006|10:13 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  distressed | ] |
My day was going just fine until...i saw him AHHHHH I knew something was going to happen right when he was following me to the car...I FEEL SO BAD ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh HMM grr |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 15th, 2006|11:00 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  content | ] |
Let's do the cha cha |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 5th, 2006|10:12 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  bouncy | ] |
okay so like TODAY was soo fun lol ahhhh I laughed so much!!!
and i have mental problems and i have a minor case of OCD and i am paranoid alot...it gets really annoying. I hate myself because of it...RRRAAAWWWRRRR
actually it makes me sad and depressed...but oh well HMMMM
did i mention i am incredibllllyyyy hhyper? |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 27th, 2006|08:45 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | excited | ] |
YAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TI TI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 13th, 2006|06:18 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | thankful | ] |
I'm quite content right now. I feel incredibly happy. I'm inlove with Blake. and life is good.
except I need to find a job for the summer, but other than that I LOVE SUMMERTIME YAYNESS!
I also got a new pic thing for here because it really is what happens to me sometimes lol. I love it....but also.....................
HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY RACHEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!! |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 2nd, 2006|10:23 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  depressed | ] |
why did he stop? why don't we talk anymore? why does he ignore me? why?
When will we start again? When will he start hanging out again? When will this end? when?
What did I do? What am I supposed to do now? What can I do to make things the way they were? what?
why did he?
when will he?
what will happen? |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 22nd, 2006|09:31 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  calm | ] |
i want a guy...hmm
a guy that actually likes me and i like him.
maybe only in my dreams this will come true? |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 16th, 2006|11:41 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  annoyed | ] |
are friends really your friends? can you 100% trust them? how do you know their not talking behind your back? how do you know people aren't just faking it? how do you know if anyone likes you? |
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